in three weeks, if i choose to, i can go see my friend who just moved to san diego for the weekend. if not then, me and another friend were training it to la; we'd stop for a day or two to visit san diego when we went through. while i would rather train it, im sick of trusting people's intentions to do things and not follow through. there's a big part of me that'd rather just go when i wanted and assess the next trip when and if it came. i dont know. i would like to think i learned my lesson the last time i just got a bug up my ass and peaced out. san francisco. oh god. the weather sucked, i felt lost, weird, and i ended up basically at the apartment getting drunk and wishing i'd brought more than one long sleeved shirt. came home just, if not more, fucked up than i had been when i left.
i just want some peace. i want laughter and sunshine. i want to feel safe. i dont think thats on a beach in california. i dont think that's anywhere.
fuck it if i wont find it out the hard way, it's the only way i know.
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