fuck.

talk about zero to fucked up and back again. im so exhausted. sick to death of shit either being amazing or completely jacked. and i really love how it always gets put on me. theres maybe 5 or 6 people i will willingly deal with inordinate amounts of stress and bullshit. mostly because it doesnt register as stress and bullshit because i love them. and they deal with all of mine. and its just not an issue.

but.

bullying me into making decisions, treating me like im five or like im stupid, or cant think for myself, or guilting me into submission fucking sucks. it makes me feel like scum. honest to fucking god makes me feel like this dirty, stupid dependent little child . you want me to respect myself? you want me to mae my own decision and live my own life? then dont fucking berate me and call me names and judge my fucking actions everytime you arent consulted first. do i ever ask you for help? i didnt think so.

and im glad im leaving earlier because if i have to deal with anymore of this bullshit im going to lose it.