dumb.

feeling sad, but sad in the way that only seems so because its the feeling always left over after everything settles.

after the anxiety, and the frustration, and the anger, and the fear.

always the sad.

not the slicing at yourself, sobbing into pillows sad.

its the deep ache in your stomach sad; the empty, hollow sad.

the sad that sits in the back of your throat.

dares you to talk without the weakness showing.

so i stay away from people.

i go to shows myself, i read, i make light polite conversation when its necessary.

and feel sad.

its becoming the new barometer for my moods, how far above or below this i am.

sad is my neutral.

thats fucking dumb.