we all think the same...

i found this site and find it heartbreaking and reassuring at the same time. it really never ceases to amaze me the similarity within the eating disordered community. regardless of our individual issues and triggers, the thought process is so consistent its scary. anyway, im grateful i dont identify with many of these statements anymore. some of them i do, and obviously i find that disturbing. the fact that i find it disturbing is reassuring to me though.

47 minutes ago 11:26pm 09 March 2011

21263) Sometimes, I think that I like living like this. I’m too scared to quit.

29 notes

59 minutes ago 11:14pm 09 March 2011

21261) Sometimes, I wonder if my ability to comfortably talk about sex convinces my friends I’m getting better instead of worse. I hope so.

2 hours ago 10:09pm 09 March 2011

21252) I feel like I don’t deserve to sleep but I’m so fucking tired.

19 notes

2 hours ago 9:27pm 09 March 2011

21245) I am the most horrible person I ever will know.

106 notes

3 hours ago 8:46pm 09 March 2011

21239) I want to be healthy and eat normally but that makes me feel like I’m copping out and being weak.

60 notes

3 hours ago 8:58pm 09 March 2011

21241) Every day, at lunch, all I eat is an apple. Today, one of my guy friends said he’s never seen me eat anything but fruits or vegetables and gave me a cookie saying I had a hot body and I shouldn’t deprive myself of the good stuff. I have the body guys like. I have an ass and all I want is for it to go away.

15 notes

5 hours ago 6:59pm 09 March 2011

21221) I always said I would kill to be skinny. I just realized I am killing myself.

37 notes

5 hours ago 6:53pm 09 March 2011

21220) I wish I could eat without feeling guilty.

186 notes

6 hours ago 5:32pm 09 March 2011

21210) Every single day in school, my friends talk about how they only ate x calories yesterday or worked out for this long. This is almost all they talk about and it only started because they want to look “good” for prom. I sit there and try to ignore it, fighting back the thoughts inside my head. I had told a few of them about my disordered eating a few months back so they know but they still talk about it, as I try to eat my lunch without feeling like a total piece of garbage. I don’t blame them for what seems (for me) to be the path towards a relapse but I wish they’d be more sensitive and realize that when they all give up on their diets during the summer, I still won’t be able to control myself with this. I didn’t choose this.

3 notes

9 hours ago 2:58pm 09 March 2011

21204) When I tried to purge, it wasn’t just because I wanted to get rid of my binge. It was because I felt like I could somehow purge my sadness.

16 notes

10 hours ago 2:17pm 09 March 2011

21197) What they don’t tell you about losing weight, is once you fit into your perfect pair of jeans, you never eat the same afterwards.

Every morsel, every tiny piece of food is danger and you over think the calories. Like that math exam and the clock is ticking and you just keep adding the numbers and it makes you sick and the numbers start to give you a headache. “How long until I can get rid of this food? How long until I can find somewhere safe where people wont hear me? I bet my body is digesting it. shit shit.” Then you end up being so sick with yourself that you make yourself sick to feel better again. The sickness is in your mind and you feel so much better when you finally purge. The feeling of emptiness that is now your body and soul. Remember when you first started to diet, and you told yourself that once you were skinny everything would be perfect, and you’d let yourself have that cupcake? Liar. Your body will never get that cupcake. You’re never going to give your body what it is craving and if you do, it won’t be there for long. Confession about my eating disorder: I’m an abusive and horrible partner to my body. I love it so but I hurt it over and over. You lie, you starve it, and you make it work at the gym until it just can’t lift you out of bed anymore. you never really believe you have a disease. “I can stop at anytime. I will stop when I’m skinny.” Yeah whatever, you said that about the cupcake.

47 notes

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