all i want is for the rest that comes with knowing everything will be alright.
im sick of being in this alone. im sick of not being able to trust anyone's motivations. how knowing it's all self interest, and insecurity still doesnt cause me to disengage. because if im alone with this weight, ill go nuts. this specific kind of tired is the kind that scares me. its the kind that feels like im absorbing all their selfishness and greed and hatred and myopia. the kind that sucks all the hope out of me.
you say you get it. but you dont.
i cant sleep because im alone. i cant sleep because itll never been worth it to those who say they love me see beyond their own noses and look at me.
actually. look. at. me.
i need a hug.
i need to curl up in someones arms and feel safe again.
wish it wasnt this hard.
mostly wish people actually knew who i was. and cared.
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