so, that happened.

okay.

so.

ill do this the mirasol way.

im feeling...

um.

im feeling...

anxious, scared, hopeful, sad, grateful, lonely, worried, excited, impatient, and frustrated.

whew.

im trying.

i really am.

its just harder than you'd think. to like, be patient with things you cant control. its hard to even accept you cant control them.

sometimes i feel like just being alive is a trigger.

but im working on it.

i really am.

its just gone from "one day at a time" to "one minute at a time".

and it sucks being in this position all over again.

pretending to have it together, and losing it the minute im alone.

telling everyone what they want to hear, thinking if i say "im fine" enough one day itll be true.

knowing that it really is up to me, that these feelings are my responsibility alone to manage. i cant depend on anyone to be my therapist, or my on-call sounding board. it isnt right to do that. it isnt fair.

i wish i did though.

i wish i didnt have to do this myself.

i wish i wasnt alone at night.

heh. i wish a lot of shit.